


Never Forget You

by Welcometoneverland



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, M/M, Not A Happy Ending, Sad Ending
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-05-31
Updated: 2016-05-31
Packaged: 2018-07-11 10:14:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7044238
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Welcometoneverland/pseuds/Welcometoneverland
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>4 times Killua and Gon leave, and the one time they don't.</p><p>Or the one where Gon always leaves Killua, but one time Killua leaves Gon.</p><p>(Fic inspired by the song Never Forget You)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Never Forget You

**Author's Note:**

> So just so no one is confused, the first part is the present then, after the break is the past. It will make sense once you read it, but if anyone is confused don't hesitate to drop a comment and let me know! Anyways enjoy!

_I used to be so happy_

_But without you here I feel so low._

Killua sat in the darkened room, the silver light of the moon being the only light illuminating Killua's sullen face. It had been about two years since he had last spoken to Gon. Two years since he was happy. He remembered the day clearly. The day he watched his happiness walk away. 

\--

The first meeting, they had bumped into each other by accident, Killua's glances fleeting as he tried to recognize the person standing in front of him. Gon hadn't changed much, but it felt like he had. The normal air between the two was there, but with an underlying tone of tension. Tension of not speaking to each other in a long time, tension of the words that was said still lingering. They tried their hardest to ignore it, tried so hard to get things back to the way it was, even if just for a moment. But everything had changed, the looks Gon gave Killua.

     The short exchanges they had while Alluka slept peacefully, unaware of her brother's inner turmoil towards the boy in front of him. They had only spent a few nights together, but every day was strained and not as carefree as they used to be. Gon had given up in his Nen. That was the first thing the raven had told Killua when they were alone. Killua wasn't too sure how to respond, or even if he should. What could he say exactly? Though he knew Gon wasn't looking for a reply, and the two were doused in silence once more.

     Killua would glance at Gon every now and then, the looks fleeting but wishful. Wishful that they could say something to get things back to normal. Wishful that they could go back to being kids, when nothing was complicated, and they had no worries. But those days were long gone, and Killua wondered if they could ever have those days again, or if they were sworn to be memories forever. The thought pained Killua, but not as much as the thought of Gon leaving. 

_I watched as you left_

_But I can never seem to let you go._

Killua stood quietly as he watched Gon's back disappear in the crowd, the green that always stood out to him, fading and blending with colors of unknown faces. Killua wanted to say something, anything to get Gon to stay, but kept his mouth closed. It was obvious Gon didn't want to try anymore, and if he wasn't willing to try, then neither was Killua. It had been months later before Alluka had said something about the way Killua was acting.

     "Brother, why did you let him leave, if you wanted him to stay?" She had asked, and Killua had froze, not too sure of the answer himself. He felt like it was easier, for both himself and Gon. Easier to forget Gon if he let him go. But he knew deep down that he could never forget Gon. How could he? Gon was his happiness for so manbly years, it made his dreary life more fun. His black and white world filled with colors that he didn't even knew existed.

     Gon was the sun, and he shined so brightly, that it hurt to look at him at times. But Killua would rather have gone blind, than to leave his side. But if Gon was the sun, bright and full of life, than Killua was the moon. Sometimes he shined so brightly, other times it was like walking through a cloud of darkness. Killua was dark, he was the embodiment of darkness, and Gon was his light. The light that kept him from falling so many times. The light that saved him from himself. "Because we're better off on our own." 

_'Cause once upon a time you were my everything_

_It's clear to see that times hasn't changed a thing._

It only took a year before Gon and Killua ran into each other once more. The second time Killua spotted the spiky black hair was even more painful than the last time. In the last year, they kept in touch, emailing or writing letters to each other about something interesting they saw one day. Gon always has something new and exciting to tell Killua, and as much as it made Killua happy to see Gon happy, it pained Killua all the more. Sure he had great times with Alluka and he loved her to death. But he missed Gon, more than he would care to admit, and wanted nothing more than to see Gon again. When Killua got his wish, he wasn't exactly excepting for Gon to react the way he did.

     He acted surprised, and fleeting towards them, like he wanted to run. Killua would he lying if he said he didn't feel the same, but the feeling boiling in his stomach at the sight of the taller boy made him stay put. Over the year that they were seperated, Killua managed to push his feelings towards Gon into a vault deep inside him, but seeing the raven again made the feeling come back, full force. There they were. Sitting in the dark, Alluka sleeping peacefully as the two boys refused to look at each other. It was clear to see that neither was really excited about seeing each other, or sitting there quietly.

     Killua sat there, wondering what could possibly be going on inside Gon's head, unaware that Gon was going through the same thing Killua was. It was painfully obvious that they wanted to say something to each other, but whatever it was was pushed down, and swept away as Killua stood and walked away.

     "I'm going to sleep." Killua had said, laying down next to Alluka, the faint grunt of a reply the only thing Killua's mind registered in his mind. The unspoken words tipped Killua'd tongue as he closed his eyes tightly, refusing to let the tears fall. 

_It's buried deep inside me_

_But I feel there's something you should know._

The second time Gon walked away, Killua actually managed to open his mouth and call to the green to come back, even if for a moment. When Gon turned and faced him, a confused look on his face, Killua panicked. "We'll see each other again, won't we?" Killua asked, and judging by Gon's face morphing into a huge, somewhat forced, smile told Killua that they would meet again. When Gon once again turned to leave, Killua wanted to scream at him to wait, wanted to scream at him to wait, wanted to hug him until Gon agreed to stay, but his feet never moved from their place until he could no longer see Gon. The thoughts, and feelings that were left unsaid, as Killua turned his back and left, never looking back once. Just as Gon had.

     Gon's smile had been right, they were to meet up again, at the oh so worst of times. It wasn't even a year later, when Killua and Gon ran into each other for the third time. Killua had just gotten over Gon, had just learned how to move on, and be happy without Gon. When the boy showed up on their doorstep. He was battered, and looked worse for wear, which had Killua's mind racing. 

     "What the hell happened to you?" Killua had asked once Gon was inside, slowly drinking his pre offered tea, as if every movement hurt his body. 

      "It's nothing, just something that I thought I could handle, but I couldn't." Gon said, his wide smile making Killua's heart race in a painful way. Killua had made the mistake of looking into Gon's searching eyes, which had opened up a conversation Killua never wanted to have. "I've missed you Killua." Gon said, and Killua could hear the secret question that Gon's eyes were asking. ' _Did you miss me?'_

 _'Yes. You have no idea much I've missed you. How much I wanted to run after you when you left.'_ Killua wanted to say, but all he could say was, "You're leaving soon aren't you?" Killua asked, and Gon's smile left his face. Killua knew Gon wouldn't stay for long, he never did, and Gon knew it as well. ' _The thing is, you are the one who always leaves. The first one to walk away. If it were up to me, we would never be apart. But it's never up to me, is it?'_

     It was inevitable, Killua knew. As soon as Gon was healed, he left. But this time, he didn't stick around for the painful goodbyes, instead he chose to slip away in the cover of the night. Killua heard him, and that was the third time he let Gon slip away. 

_I will never forget you_

_You will always be by my side_

_From the day that I met you_

_I knew that I would love you till the day I die._

The fourth time Killua and Gon had ran into each other was approximately 2 years after Gon left without a goodbye, and Killua was the last person Gon had wanted to see. They had both grown up significantly, and looked different. But Gon still shined as brightly as the sun, and still blinded Killua. Killua was still the moon, dark but beautiful. When their eyes first met, Killua panicked, wanted to fun away and hide. But, Gon would manage to find him, he always did.

     Their greetings were awkward, and too well rhearsed, like they had both practiced this moment a thousand times, which Killua had. They spent the day together, pretending that nothing was wrong, and that they were still best of friends and they had no worries in the world. It didn't get heavy until nightfall when they were alone. The air was suffocating as the silence weighed down on them, but  the conversation that started made Killua's chest burn. 

     "I can't stay. You know that." Gon had said, and Killua did. He knew, and he understood. But he didn't want to understand, he wanted to be with Gon, even if it killed him. Even if it was bad for Killua to be near Gon, he wanted him to be close. He liked the pain. Maybe a little too much. 

     "No. I don't know that. Why do you have to leave? I don't get it. You don't have to leave." Killua said, his voice barely wavering, but it was there and Gon had caught it. There was no way he couldn't have. 

      "Yes I do. I have to go, because if I stay..." Gon trailed off, frustration and sadness clinging to his voice as he looked down. Killua's heart hurt as his mind raced with the possible endings. "This is your fault." Gon said, his voice never wavering from the frustrated, yet calm voice as he refused to meet Killua's wide eyes. 

     "My fault? No. No, no!" Killua said, jumping up and startling Gon, who stared at him with undescribable eyes. "I'm not the one who left! I'm never the one who leaves. It's you! You always leave. You don't get to sit there and say this is my fault, when I'm the one that trying to keep you here!" Killua yelled, angry tears welling in his eyes, as Gon stood up.

      "You call letting me go, trying? Don't fool yourself Killua. Your at just as much fault as I am! You could have stopped me! You have said something, but you just stood there and watched me leave! That's not trying Killua!" Gon said, also standing as Killua's face turned red with anger. 

     "You don't get to do this, Gon! You don't get to leave and then come back to lecture to me about trying!" Killua all but screamed, not caring if Alluka woke up. He was angry, and he knew soon enough that if this contiuned he would say something he would regret forever. "You don't get to do this." Killua said more quietly, looking down at the ground, trying to calm his racing his heart. 

     "You're right. But you don't get to play victim either Killua. Your just as much as at fault here as I am." Gon said, a lot calmer than he was a moment ago. "I'm going to bed." Gon said, and brushed past Killua, who let out the silent tears when he heard a door close softly. 

_And I will never want much more_

_And in my heart I will always be sure_

_I will never forget you_

_And you will always be by my sidsle till the day I die._

The next morning Killua woke up to once again, Gon's empty room. Except for this time, there was a note. ' _Dear Killua. I'm sorry I said those things last night. I couldn't face you in the morning so I left when you closed your door. I'm sorry to do this again, I really am. This might be the last time we meet again."_ Gon had wrote, and each word brought Killua's heart more pain. How dare he think he can just yell at Killua and then just run away. He doesn't get to do this, just show up, act like nothing was wrong. It's not fair.

     He can't and Killua don't let him get away with it anymore. So he stops responding to Gon's messages, until they eventually stop coming. The day that happens, Killua knows that it was the last time Killua was ever going to see Gon again. Or ever hear from him, and it pained him. 

_'Till the day I die ('till the day I die)_

_'Till the day I die ('till the day I die)_

That was two years ago, and now Killua sat in a darkened Hotel Room. Alluka alseep in the bed next to him, as he sat and stared at the moon illuminated wall. The only sound in the room was Killua and Alluka's breathing, and the sound of Killua's beating heart, so loud he thought it would break out of his chest. His phone screen had lit up only moments ago, and his eyes had read the message over and over again. 

 _'It's me, Gon. I was wondering if you would like to meet up somewhere and talk?'_ the message had said, and Killua felt his whole body freeze at the three lettered name on the screen. Gon wanted to see him? Why? What could he possibly want after all these years? 

_'Do you miss me as much as I miss you?'_

**Author's Note:**

> Hello again! That was the first Chapter out of three, and I really hoped you liked it. I heard this song and I thought it fit Killugon pretty well, so I wrote a story about it! Anyways as always feedback and criticism is always welcomed!


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